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The Morbidde BloodbatheThe Pulchritude of Deathe is Dying |
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10/21/2009 The Ring In ReturnIt's been a while since I last came on here. I could tell because the last Blog Entry says that my boyfriend and I had been together for four and a half months. We just celebrated our 20th month last weekend. That's a year and eight months of being together... our second anniversary is fast approaching. I'm on here because I'm bored of studying, and I need a temporary distraction. I would have gone on Facebook, but I finally handed over my password to my boyfriend today and he's been on there all day. It seems I've lost my account to him. Perhaps it's time I use his. I have his password as well. No harm there... So... what's new? Well, I have a neck piercing, now. December 23rd makes it a year since I've had it. That is also the final healing date. I also have a new Hip Piercing (the other one rejected), but I can't give a definite date on that one. I believe I got it somewhere near our first Anniversary, in February. I'm doing French this semester. The classes are amazing: the test today could make a priest suicidal. I studied, of course, but I might as well have not. Anyway, I have nothing of particular interest to say. Just dropped by and got inspired by all the dark backgrounds and purple colours. Had to leave a word or two behind. Fare Thee Well Again, SisstreDaethe. 7/5/2008 The ReturnI havent been on here in a very long time, but I decided to drop by and give my space a bit of a makeover, which I think I succeeded in doing. I updated the information, deleted some of my old once-upon-a-time lists that dont mean anything to me anymore. I accepted some friends and invited some. I cant promise to be on here very often, but I can promise to try to be on here more often.
At present, I'm IMing my FB- female bestie. I have to specify because I have a male bestie as well. I love them both. The male one is a metal-head who owes me a black iPod that he's sending oh so very soon. I'm really excited about that because I've wanted an iPod since the 10th grade and I'm going to University now. That's about 3 or 4 years now. But Mom could never really afford an iPod when I wanted other stuff like a laptop and college and my own house and shit. So the iPod got put on hold for a while, and my male bestie decided to get it for my birthday present. Granted, my birthday is almost coming again full circle but it was bought from a long time ago and distance- separated by countries and continents- kinda hindered the delivery part. My female bestie has presents for me too from the same time period. We just got separated by schools and cnflicting schedules.
What else?
I have a new boyfriend that's been my old boyfriend now for how long we've been toegther. I'm really enthralled about that. We've been together for four and a half months which is the longest relationship I've ever been in and I have NO REGRETS. I love him to death, and it's a glutton-satisfaction knowing he loves me just as much (or more, he argues). Right now we're physically separated and regardless of how much strain that puts on us it doesn't strain our relationship at all. We would prefer to be together, but I would say we're handling this all very well. Particularly ME who went as far as to set him up with another girl in my absence. Just to keep him company. He knows his limits and I trust him to stay within them. Lucky bastard!
And then there's school. I finally graduated from college. Man, honestly I never thought I'd make it this far. When I was in high school and everyone was making their big plans to go to college, I was wondering if my parents could even afford to send me. I underestimated them. Well, I underestimated my Mom. After the restraining order against my dad, I moved out on my own and she paid for everything. College life was good. Very good. I had my fair share of experiments with looks and styles and music and even boys- getting a new significant other every few weeks. And then I tried to settle down that went terribly. Maybe because I decided to and I kinda planned it. With THIS boyfriend, we just kind of landed in each other's laps and in each other's arms... bed even. You never know real love until you find it. And that's the reality. After all the bullshit I've been through in my life, I sure as hell deserve to have found my love at 18. Fuck yeah! And to add to it, I leave school with honor roll stuff and certificates and good reports from teachers, as well as an unconditional acceptancxe into a back-up choice University that became my first choice after greater consideration. All in all, I feel pretty good about my life. It ain't easy and I got a lotta struggling to do but I have a Mom who's learning to let go and just accept me as I am. My so-called-father is almost completely out of my life. I have my freedom and basic independence. I have two best friends who're like family. I have other good friends who spoil me and take care of me. I've got a boyfriend who does the same- never leaving me wanting. Gotta love him. And to think before we met, we were both pissed about a previous failed attempt to settle down and now messing around, with love and settling down being the farthest thing from our minds. He swore never to fall in love again. I swore there was no such thing as love, no such thing as someone besides fam (which includes my besties and good friends) loving me.
You know sometimes I swear my life is the worst and honestly I have all the right in the world to say so. I've got a father who's damaged me so badly I wake up from nightmares at night and 99% of those nights I dont even have my boyfriend lying next to me to turn to or anyone else for that matter. My Mom lives 3000 miles from me and I see her once (usually) or twice (rarely) a year. And even though I live alone, my house ain't no palace or no safe-house or nice real estate. Sometimes I look around me and everyone else aroud me seems to be making progress while I'm stuck here not moving. But I'm learning that in my life, I'm always gonna be a late maturer and late receiver, but when I get it, I GET IT. I hit puberty real late but when I got there, I got it all. I put up with my bullshit Dad for 17 years and then I managed to rid him from my life. See my birthday presents are almost a year late. I put up with enough bullshit males like my so-called-father and all my stupid ex-bfs who didnt know how to appreciate me at all then finally I land the world's greatest boyfriend. Suffer without an iPod and then land a black 80GB one 3 or 4 years later. I KNOW FOR A FACT that everything I've got, I DESERVE. I've put up with a lot of shit to get where I am. I've had to fuck sleep and study all night to get my grades. I've had to ditch parties and beach and movies to go to school. I've endured a lot in my young years. And thus I've earned quite a few valuables as well- true love, true friendship, a real mother and the knowledge of true sacrifice.
I'm not optimistic. I'm a pessimist with a purpose.
XxXSisstreDaetheXxX 3/1/2006 Volme VII can't believe he's left me here
Alive, Alone in death and fear
It's silent, much too silent
So that I can hear each silent movement
"Love?" I call his name but he
Ne'er even 'tempts to answer me
Betrayed and left alone to die
'Tis well I now break down and cry
But why? 'Tis what I wanted, to
Die and restart this life anew
The wind comes in a rush of breath
And leaves a miasma of death
Then arms embrace my waist and, I
Turn 'round and peer into blue eyes
He smiles and I am mesmerized
"I love you," he now says to me
He holds me and I fear to see
That he's the one I often saw
As morbid shadows on my wall
Who watched o'er me, since ever I
Remember, even afore my wish to die
I touch his face, his skin so cold
Immortal, never aging old
He smiles again
and in the night
We kiss beneath the wondorus
moonlight 2/23/2006 Warriors
Number One Always
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